


The Wardrobe

by morganmuffle



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-25
Updated: 2005-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-02 20:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganmuffle/pseuds/morganmuffle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They all agreed screaming was about the only reaction possible." Challenge: SS/HG including Snape in a feather boa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wardrobe

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a bit of fun when [Mickat24](http://www.livejournal.com/users/mickat24) challenged me but it grew and got fairly serious in places. Still, it's dedicated to her and the wonderful people who set me straight on a few points (Senji and Angelofthenorth). Any mistakes are mine and mine alone.

Of course, if poor Lucy Parkinson hadn't been the first one to open the wardrobe the next morning, nobody would have ever known. Well maybe that wasn't true, there were plenty of others who would have reacted the same way. In fact, only a handful of people would have had the strength of mind to remain calm and keep the secret to themselves. Lucy wasn't one of them, a nervous Slytherin first year, she had screamed and brought the whole school down on the unfortunate pair sleeping there. To be fair to her, it was an understandable reaction. On the way down to breakfast she had paused to check if she had left her gloves in the big wardrobe that stood under the stairs between the Slytherin common room and the Great Hall. The sight that had greeted her had been unexpected to say the least.

The tension in the air at Hogwarts had been growing and growing in the last few months. As the war spread throughout the wizarding world the students became more and more afraid for friends and family. In retrospect Snape thought he should have expected a squall, and maybe he had, but he hadn't expected Hermione to be the one who snapped. At the start of the Summer Term Dumbledore finally announced what everyone had been expecting. All classes were cancelled and no exams would be set, the school was to start preparing for the coming battle. The Potter child had of course made a minor sensation as usual. The self-centred idiot had made some foolish statement about how it was all too late and he knew what he had to do and had then stormed off with his pet Weasel following him. Hermione had been very pale, but due to some falling out she had not followed. Snape hadn't though much more about the events but that evening a tense McGonagall came to find him.

"Hermione's disappeared."

"I'm sorry, wait a moment."

Snape stirred the vial in front of him three times clockwise and then removed it from the flames.

"What is the matter with Miss Granger?"

"She hasn't been seen by anyone since Albus' announcement at breakfast, or shortly afterwards anyway."

"And why does this worry you? The girl is likely to be in the library studying defence magic I would imagine."

"Severus! Think for just a moment will you. Do you think I would have come to you if that was the case?"

McGonagall looked at her colleague exasperatedly.

"Lavender Brown came to find me earlier and said that she had seen Hermione leave breakfast muttering under her breath and looking very worried but that since then she had been missing. It is quite unlike her..."

As she trailed off Snape finished the statement.

"... even when she is fighting with those imbecilic boys. Fine. Where is there left to check?"

"I am about to search the grounds but I need someone to check in Hogsmeade."

"Hogsmeade?! Why would she be there?"

Snape was annoyed. It was raining and cold outside and a trip to the village had not been in his plans. Anyway the doors of the Castle were mainly locked these days and no students had been allowed into Hogsmeade for months.

"We know Harry has a way out of the castle and it would seem likely that Hermione knows it too. It isn't like her to disappear and if she isn't acting like herself..."

McGonagall's voice trailed off again. Snape knew how worried she was if she was asking him for help.

"I will report as soon as I find anything."

"Thank you Severus."

She nodded at Snape, the two were old rivals but they were old friends as well, and she trusted him to find the missing girl.

Having been into every shop in the village, and searched every alleyway and corner he could find, Snape at last ended up in the Hog's Head. He hoped that someone in there might have spotted Hermione. There had been no news from McGonagall and Snape was beginning to get seriously worried for the girl. As he walked up to the bar Snape was greeted by the barman.

"Wondered when one of you lot'd come for 'er."

Snape was about to ask the man what on earth he was talking about when, looking in the direction he was pointing, he saw her. Hermione was sitting at a corner table surrounded by empty bottles. She was currently pushing the end of her wand around, in a puddle of what Snape assumed was some form of alcohol, making the liquid shimmer and sparkle. She had a look of total concentration on her face.

"Hermione Granger, what in Merlin's name do you think you are doing here!"

Snape towered over the table in a foul mood. Any sensible student would have burst into tears at this point. Hermione giggled.

"Miss Granger. If you do not accompany me to the castle immediately I will personally see to it that Gryffindor loses ALL its points."

Snape was beside himself with anger and her stupidity and recklessness. This was not the sort of behaviour he expected from Hermione Granger. She was far too sensible a witch to act like this.

"If you cast _coloro veritas_ on Fire Whiskey it starts sparking red and orange flames but if you do it to Butterbeer then it just stays golden. I want to try it on some wine but they don't have any. I think the Fire Whiskey is prettiest."

Hermione poked at the pool again and muttered the spell under her breath. A smile played across her lips and as the red sparks flew across the surface of the liquid she giggled slightly. Snape looked at her in complete astonishment. Even whilst drunk she was still experimenting and working.

"Fascinating as that may be Miss Granger we are returning to the Castle. Now."

He took hold of her arm and tried to lift her into a standing position. It wasn't easy as she had started struggling and shaking her head violently.

"NoNoNoNo NO. Not going back. You can't make me."

"You are mistaken. I can and you will."

With that Snape pulled the reluctant Hermione out from behind the table and pushed her towards the door. As he dragged her out he turned back to the barman.

"Next time I would be eternally grateful if you contacted the school when a pupil is sat here all day drinking. It would be so helpful."

Snape's patented sneer was turned intently on the poor man who vowed never to let one of the Hogwarts brats in again. After all, the girl hadn't finished paying for her drinks but he was not going to ask that overgrown bat of a man for the money.

Snape decided that it would be a good idea for Hermione to walk back to Hogwarts to try and sober her up a little. He sent a messenger spell telling McGonagall this and that he would make sure Hermione was safely in bed so she needn't worry. He was soon repenting of the whole idea though. Every other step the silly child would become distracted by something on the side of the road and Snape had to drag her away. He had heard her views on the awful repair of the road, the rare bird she saw in the tree, the fact that Hogwarts was "a very very very longlonglong way to walk" and she as now describing the stars above them in a mixture of Astronomy and drunken rambling.

"That's Orion, the first stars I ever recognised. 'Cept the Big Dipper of course. It looks like a big saucepan, a really shiny, twinkly saucepan with a long handle. The handle points to the North Star I think. Does it?"

"Yes, Miss Granger."

"Yes it does, it's like a big twinkling signpost in the sky. A sparkly signpost saucepan. Orion was a hunter guy you know, that's his belt."

As Hermione tried to point out the three stars of Orion's belt she leant backwards and Snape had to catch her.

"Whoopsy Daisy... over I go."

Hermione giggled wildly as if she'd made some amazing joke. Finally despairing of getting her home Snape swept her up into his arms and carried her. Later he would ask himself why he hadn't stunned her and then cast _Mobilicorpus_ on her, but he never could come up with a satisfactory reason. Hermione buried her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes.

"Sleepy now. Time for bed. Has everyone done their homework?"

Snape almost smiled at her last question but caught himself. She weighed very little in his arms but it felt strange to have another body so close to him.

Walking up to the doors of Hogwarts Snape suddenly realised that if anybody saw him carrying the sleeping Gryffindor he would never live it down so he gently put her down on the steps as he unlocked the door.

"Where are we?" Hermione blinked sleepily at him. "This isn't my bed."

"Well done Miss Granger, it is not your bed. You can find your way there now."

Entering the hallway of the castle Snape steered Hermione towards the stairs leading to the Gryffindor Tower. If he had been concentrating properly he might have been saved a lot of bother later, but he wasn't, and after he'd calmed down he never regretted that fact. One moment he was watching Hermione weave her way to the stairs, and then Mrs Norris distracted him for just long enough to let Hermione dive into the wardrobe under the stairs. Seeing this Snape lunged after her and reached into its depths to grab her by the arm. Sadly this meant entering the wardrobe entirely himself and as the door clicked shut he realised there was no handle on the inside. He hammered on the door but he knew that it was useless. They were trapped until someone came to open the door. Muttering _Lumos_ under his breath he turned round to survey their home until they were rescued. It was a large wardrobe and it had stood in the entrance hall for many years. Inside were coats and scarves and gloves and goodness knows what else. It was one of those places where 'things' congregate. Generations of students had stuffed their belongings inside only to forget all about them. Hermione had pushed past the hanging coats and was scrabbling about on the back wall.

"You won't get out that way you stupid girl. We're trapped. Thanks to you."

"I'm looking for the way to Narnia... it's here somewhere, I know it is. Maybe if I try one of the big coats on. They had to wear Coats you know because it was always winter in Narnia till Aslan came."

Snape sat down hard on the floor of the wardrobe. Hermione had apparently been completely addled by her drinking binge. Totally insane. They were stuck in there and she kept talking about imaginary worlds in a wardrobe. Batty. Determined to make the best of a bad situation Snape began to review the ingredients of the antidote to the Confusing Concoction he was currently developing with other Order members.

"Bezoar, Armadillo Bile, Scarab Beetle (ground or chopped?)..."

Meanwhile Hermione was searching through the wardrobe to find a fur coat. So far she was wearing a rather nice leather glove on her left hand, an iron link belt round her waist and she had just found a red bandanna. Tying it round her head she broke into a broad smile.

"'m a Revevevevolutionarary! Gotta head scarf thingy and everything! Freee the HouseElves"

Hermione started marching up and down the short length of the wardrobe making the whole thing shake.

"Stop that this instant and sit down!"

"We cannot be silenced! S.P.E.W. will triumph!"

Snape felt his blood pressure rising. Granger had always been an annoyance but compared to her 'friends' he had thought her tolerable. She had a sharp mind when turned to the right applications but now he just wished she would shut up.

"Miss Granger sit down or you shall regret it."

Snape's quiet but menacing voice didn't seem to work any better than his shouting did for although she had stopped marching she was now standing to attention singing "We Shall Overcome." Pressing his hands to his ears Snape let out a roar.

"Stop that infernal racket you insufferable brat!"

"Brat...." she stopped singing and started giggling again, "That's what you call Harry. You don't like him much. He's my friend though."

She frowned slightly.

"He was my friend. Now I don't like him either. I like you though."

Hermione was swaying slightly now and as she tried to turn she got caught up in one of the coats and toppled over on top of Snape.

There were a few moments of confusion as Snape tried to disentangle himself whilst Hermione, still giggling, tied herself up in knots. Eventually he found himself leaning back against the wall of the wardrobe with Hermione, covered by a large fur coat, on his lap .

"Found one. Now we can go to Narnia."

Shaking with suppressed laughter she tried to stand up again but couldn't quite make it. Fearing that she would injure herself Snape held her down and placed the coat around her shoulders.

"Now stay still for just a few moments. You should try and sleep."

"Not sleepy."

Hermione shook her head vehemently in protest at the idea and nearly knocked herself out on a nearby coat hanger.

"Well just sit still then and let me be."

Snape started going over the ingredients again but was distracted by the intense gaze that Hermione had now fixed on him.

"What?"

"Is that supposed to be an antidote to those Confusing Concoction smoke bombs they used in the last attack?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business!"

Snape was annoyed that she'd recognised his experimental work. Of course he was also annoyed that she knew of the attack. War was not a place for children even if Dumbledore and Potter kept dragging them in.

"A pure potion based antidote won't work."

"And why won't it work Miss Know-It-All."

"Because it isn't just a potion. The bomb itself had a charm on it, they triggered it with a variation on _Confundus_ from what I heard. You need to have a shield against that as well as an antidote to the actually smoke. I thought some version of _Protego_ might work."

Snape stared at her. Her words described exactly the process the order was going through, Lupin and Flitwick were working on the shield already. Even drunk this annoying child seemed to be quite capable of understanding the workings of complicated experimental magic. Why Minerva had been worried about her... His thought trail was upset when he realised she'd started giggling again.

"You look like a fish!"

How she could go from an almost serious student talking about complex magical theory to pointing and laughing like a five year old was completely beyond Snape. It had been a long time since he had seen anyone drunk, let alone a 17 year old witch, and never one quite like Hermione.

Hermione turned her attention to a pile of accessories in the corner of the floor and Snape, seeing she was happily occupied, returned to reviewing the planned antidote. Little cries of triumph or disappointment came from Hermione as she found hats, gloves, scarves and brooches and tried them all on. She attempted to give Snape a flowery straw boater at one point but he knocked it away and ignored her pouting face. Eventually Hermione got bored of being ignored and found a way to make Snape pay attention to her.

"What... Get it off me!"

Hermione had thrown a feather boa around her teacher's neck and was now winding it in such a way that he, with her still on his lap, could not unwind it.

"Take this infernal thing off me right now!"

"But you look so pretty. It matches your eyes."

Hermione smiled at Snape's scowling countenance.

"You should wear colour more often, I liked those green robes you wear to Quidditch sometimes though you mustn't tell the others that."

Hermione smoothed the feathers next to Snape's cheek and he suddenly became aware of quite how close she really was. Slowly her hand reached up to touch his cheek, leaving a trail of glitter from one of the scarves she had been holding. Snape held his breath somehow unable to move. Her hand was cool against his burning cheeks and her upturned face was half in shadows so that he couldn't read her expression. She leant forwards, almost as if in a trance, and placed a light kiss on his lips.

Coming suddenly to his senses Snape tried to push her off and untangle the feather boa but he succeeded in neither. Hermione had started shaking and rocking back and forth in a most alarming manner.

"Nobody here, all alone, they don't want me, nobody likes me. I'm stupid. So stupid. They all hate me and I'm going to die."

Frightened by this sudden change of mood Snape reached out to try and calm the sobbing Hermione. He patted her back awkwardly, not sure how to act around a tearful female.

"I'm going to die. We're all going to die and it's better this way. Better that they hate me. Ron hates me."

At this last statement Hermione drew in a ragged breath and pulled the coat tightly around her. Snape was now severely worried about her state of mind.

"Those idiot friends of yours do not hate you. Why would they? They are merely being childish."

"No. No, they hate me. But it's better."

"Why? Why is it better that they hate you. You... you need them."

For a man who had lived for many years fighting against friendship, this had been a hard lesson to learn but Dumbledore, McGonagall and others had taught him well.

"It hurts too much. When they leave. It hurts so much and I don't want to feel it anymore. I don't want to hurt them and I don't want to be hurt."

She pressed her face into Snape's robe, painful sobs racking her body and all that Snape could make out was a faint whisper of "Tonks." He hadn't known that Hermione and Nymphadora had been close but he supposed they must have been. Had anyone talked to her after the Aurors death? He knew she'd been told but everyone was so focussed on Potter she may have been left alone to deal with it.

In a very uncharacteristic move, Snape found himself pulling Hermione into his arms and hugging her tightly. The sobbing witch was obviously in a lot of pain and she had been let down by those who should have protected her. As her crying lessened and her breathing started to return to normal Snape began to talk in low tones.

"It hurts, of course it hurts. She was a good Auror and a good friend. She would not countenance despair though. She never despaired, she left that to others. People die in wars. It cannot be escaped but that does not mean we should stop fighting. You are needed in this war as much as anyone else and that includes Potter. You have to stay strong and you have to keep going and that means not cutting yourself off from the world. That way lies only madness and death."

There was a bitterness in Snape's voice that spoke of experience. Hermione pulled away from him slightly to look at his face.

"But if I'm not their friend then it won't hurt them when I die. It's better than feeling THIS."

"No. Who says you will be the one to die? And if you died now, if you had been captured when you so foolishly ran away, do you think they wouldn't be upset? Do you think that even that idiot Weasley would go on happily? They would blame themselves for not being with you. They are your friends and as such they need you and you need them."

Hermione gulped hard and wiped her hand across her eyes leaving another trail of glitter.

"I must look like an idiot. It was just so hard. I could cope when I could pretend, when lessons were there to distract me but now..."

"Now you will cope too, because you are strong."

He looked at her closely and decided to try and make her move away from such topics.

"However at this particular moment you do look like an idiot. What possessed you to put on that bandana."

She smiled weakly at him.

"You can talk, looking all serious in glitter and a feather boa. Very glam."

"Glitter! What have you done to me?!"

That drew a larger smile from Hermione. Snape was quite offended, his sneer had never made anyone smile. Well except Dumbledore of course, interfering old man.

"There's just a little bit here... here... and now here."

Hermione touched his cheek and Snape realised that in doing so she was leaving more glitter. He nearly smiled at her audacity but then grabbed her wrist to stop her moving any further. For the second time that evening a stillness fell over the wardrobe and Snape found himself holding his breath and looking at Hermione closely. This time, however, it was he who, moving as if under Imperious, leant down and kissed her gently. As he pulled away slightly she put her free hand around his waist and drew him back closer again and then they were kissing deeply.

When Hermione finally broke away she looked flushed and looked away and closed her eyes. Snape felt a wave of shame pass over him.

"I apologise for taking advantage Miss Granger. I should have behaved better. It will not happen again."

He felt as if a lead weight had settled in his stomach. What had she done to him? Hermione looked back up then.

"Don't apologise, please don't apologise."

"I must. It was wrong. I am your teacher, an old man. It was totally inappropriate."

Hermione shook her head and looked as if she was about to say something but thinking better of it she suddenly leant forward and kissed him again.

"No. You mustn't."

Snape pulled away hard. His whole body shaking with the effort.

"Why not? It was so right."

"It was so wrong. I am your teacher."

"Not for much longer, we have no classes now anyway. You just told me not to cut myself off from people."

"That was different."

"No it wasn't. Don't push me away. I can help."

Hermione looked much more grown up than she had all evening. Even with the overlarge coat, the scarf, the glove and the glitter there was something serious about her that made him believe she was telling the truth.

"Not whilst you are at school."

"After then."

Snape swallowed, he was out of his depth and out of control. The whole situation was ridiculous and yet he felt more alive than he had done in a long time.

"After. When the war is over. Then we can talk of this."

Hermione studied his face carefully. Whatever she was looking for, she must have found it, because she let out a deep breath and leaned her head against his shoulder.

"That'll do for now. Tomorrow you can tell me why you think chopped beetle will work bett..."

She fell asleep mid sentence. Watching her peaceful face Snape thought that she looked different to him, changed from an annoying brat of a student into... into something else. _Very glam indeed_, with a last attempt at a sneer he too drifted off into sleep.

When Lucy Parkinson brought the whole school running the next morning they were greeted by the sight of their Potion's Master, covered in glitter and wearing a lime green feather boa, holding fast in his arms their sleeping Head Girl who was wearing a moth eaten fur coat and was bedecked with costume jewellery and scarves. They all agreed screaming was about the only reaction possible.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [Fiction Alley](http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/morganmuffle/TW01a.html)


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